Friday, June 29, 2018

Co-existing with teens


We've all been one. I remember I wanted to change the world. I was a real rebel. I was always defying the rules. Everything my parents said was wrong (or at least not accepted). I have always talked back. With real arguments. I had blue hair. I wore torn jeans (I know now it's the fashion, but 20 years ago... well, people looked at you with distrust). I was always out. I did not want to spend time with family. Family dinners? What's that? No way! What the teachers said? What do they know? My parents? Well, let's say, we didn't get along. I could only talk with this one teacher.
So, when I became a teacher myself, I thought I knew everything about teenagers, right? I was one, right?
To tell you the truth, when I first went into the class, I was not a lot older from teens. I started teaching at 21. Even later, as a young mother, I still got along with "my teens". Being a "crazy" and open-minded person myself, made my teens somehow "relaxed". They talked to me. About their thoughts, about their problems. They trusted me.
However, when I talked with their parents, they ALL told me how difficult it is to understand each other and that their children didn't listen to them and that there were always fights. And I wondered. Why would that be? They are nice kids. With me they behave. They are interested. They trust me. Why would parents have such a difficult time with their teens?
Until I became the mother of one.

They tell me he is a good kid. They tell me that he has critical thinking. They tell me that he is a good friend.

I wouldn't know... you know I am the "mum". Yes, they one who tries to talk to him and is never heard. The one who "doesn't know anything". The "teacher" one. The one who feels really frustrated and worried about him, not knowing what to do.
I've been to a seminar about teenage behaviour recently.  The descriptions were... like somebody had been to my home.
According to the psychologist, during adolescence, the brain goes under major changes. Some neutrons are destroyed, while some other become stronger. Hormones are all over the place. Teens want not to be dependent on their parents, so they experiment themselves. With good and bad things. They want to test their limits. There is no safe way doing that. Parents are no longer their role-model. They want to find out who they really are and where they belong. So being rebellious is normal.
Yes, it is a dangerous time. Because it's easier for them to get addicted to things they shouldn't. Or be with people they shouldn't.
So, I am worried. This doesn't mean that I don't trust him. I do. I pray that he comes home safe every night. I try to be close. Even now that he doesn't want me to be. I hope that years will go by and we all come to our senses.
(Life) to be continued....

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